To Liberty as You Turn 9

Dear Liberty,

Yesterday morning you told me “368 days until I’m double digits!” My heart sank, just a bit, as I thought of you reaching that milestone. Excitement and pride for the woman you will become of those next ten years and grief for missing the tiny girl that snuggles pink owls and spent all day in an Elsa dress. But, mostly, I don’t want you to wish your life away. It is human nature, but we spend much of life wanting to move forward but often spend the rest of it looking back. May you live in each moment, breathe it, savor it, it is the real gift. 

Selfishly, I have felt quite blessed during Covid, I have gotten to be with you every moment. I have watched you create powerpoints, build structures, master facts, and I got to have lunch with you every day as I watched you grow more independent. You really took charge of your own learning! You got your computer set up each morning and sometimes even Adleigh’s if I was running behind with her. I loved cutting your apple snack at 9:30 each morning and bringing it to you to hear what you had learned already that day. I loved watching you pick up a book without prompting and snuggle into a cozy spot to escape into the corners of the written world. I will always cherish our extra time together.

You are tiptoeing on that line between kid and tween. This past year has brought challenges. Still facing a lot of anxiety over COVID you stayed home and thrived in Mrs. Dye’s virtual third grade. You visited (virtually) Mali, learning cursive, multiplied, and were entertained with her many science experiments. You got straight As all year and took the SoL tests for the first time. You also were the only kid in your class to send her anything when her mother died. You wrote her a letter and painted her a picture that she kept on her wall, and probably still does. She wrote to me how much your kindness meant to her during a very difficult time in her life. You saw someone was hurting and you wanted to make it better. 

You are the girl that made dad a paper model of Roxy after she died, you understood how much he was hurting and expressed your special love for him to ease his pain. Others may see your sensitivity as a weakness, hear this girl, it is not. Showing your heart is STRONG. Identifying your emotions is STRONG. Lifting up others is STRONG. Knowing how you feel and what you want is STRONG.

It is easy to ignore problems or find other things to do or places to go. Your determination and kindness will set you apart. You were the girl who got up in the middle of the night to put your shoes on. You are the girl who would not give up and basically taught herself how to ride a bike. You are the little girl who kept running, even while tripping and banging into the side of dad’s car, because you wanted to be able to jump up on the hood. You are the girl that will cry when you don’t understand something, but you keep working at it until it is perfect, and it is ok to experience tears and frustration because frustration is where we build character, and you have it in spades, my love. You are the girl that has practiced perfecting recipes and now you make yourself French toast every Saturday. You are the girl that practices cartwheels and pancake stretches each day because you want to get them perfect. You are the girl that cries at almost every gymnastics class but at the end can’t wait to go back because you know how much you have improved. I love hearing the floor rumble as you practice your cartwheel and yell “Je suis fort!” Yes girl, you are STRONG!

Strength is taking on a new instrument as your first activity leaving the house in two years. You took harp this year, mastered 10 songs, and performed beautifully at your concert. You learned to fix leaky toilets and install a ceiling fan this year with dad. When your siblings scoffed at the idea of getting up close and personal with a toilet you jumped at the idea of learning something new, something someone else won’t have to do for you because YOU can do it. Keep trying new things, it will help you as you try to navigate this life with all its twists and turns. You are STRONG!

You are the girl that takes the cheese off her pizza even when most people question you or mock you for it, you aren’t afraid to tell anyone what you like or what you want. May you always share your feelings and passions, no matter what others may think. You are STRONG!

As you enter this last year of the “first half” of your childhood and transition to adulthood things are bound to change. I already have a teenager. I know having two and then three will bring challenges that will make the sleepless nights, diapers, and mastitis seem like a walk in the park. But know this, I will always be here for you. You are my heart outside my body. I will always be here for you to light your path as you begin to walk a few steps ahead of me. As the center of your universe begins to shift, you will always be the center of mine.

Keep saying it! “Je suis fort!” 

Tu es fort!

Je t’aime hibou!!!

I love you, Lou!!!

Love,

Mom

To Canton As You Turn 13

Dear Canton,

Look out for the “terrible twos” and the “teenage years”! When veteran parents so lovingly impart wisdom on new parents this was what I most frequently heard. Imagine, passing a mom and her cuddly baby in Target or the grocery story and telling them how terrible it is going to be. 

Oh how wrong they were about the twos! You were curious, funny, reading, counting, and still crawling up into my lap. You are still so curious, still learning, and I am blessed I still get a hug and a song each night. You definitely sleep longer now than at two!

I do imagine the teenage years might present different challenges. I think that society does kids your age a great disservice by expecting the worst. I do expect more eye rolls, more sleeping, but I certainly do not expect you will be anything less than what you have always been: kind, brilliant, empathetic, curious, heart on your sleeve, loving, genuine human. 

Still, the road of the teenage years is not easy. It is filled with twists, turns, and heartbreak. I rest easy believing in your character and knowing that you will make good choices. Even if you don’t, because sometimes you won’t, I will always be here. My love for you is a love without conditions. 

We are living and learning in unprecedented times. I’m sorry the world is so crazy right now. You are coming of age when the world feels so unstable. Your empathy is your superpower, use it. It seems cruelty and apathy are the air society breathes nowadays, but you cut through all of that. Continue to live your truth and live in that empathy, it’s a rare gift, it is a true strength. 

You entered middle school for the first time, as sixth grade was virtual. It’s scary, it’s a big deal, it’s a big change. You have managed your anxiety, advocated for yourself, and are beginning to learn more about who you are and the friends you want to have. You are more confident in your own skin, in your true self, than I was at 13, even 23! You are brilliant, funny, interesting, you are magic. Who else is going to teach everyone the flags of literally every country in the world?

You continue to excel academically. I honestly didn’t know 100% in every class as a seventh grader was possible. Even though your report cards are a thing of dreams, there is nothing like watching you on the stage. You had three huge performances while you were 12: Schulie in School House Rock, Iago in Aladdin, and starring as Tiny Tim in the Christmas Carol. The stage is exactly where you are supposed to be, you are home. It is one of my greatest joys to see you morph into these other characters, to bring yourself into these different personalities, to see the light in your soul. You blow us all away.

Things are changing, just as they are supposed to, it is hard, but it is a blessing to watch you grow. I catch sight of your continuously growing feet, bigger than my own, and wonder, where are those tiny baby toes? I swallow the lump in my throat as I meet your eye line as you continue to catch my height, knowing the little head I rested on my shoulder as I paced the floor with your colickly body, will soon be over mine.

A few weeks ago you asked me what the big deal was about birthdays. What’s the big deal? It all started with you. The world changed when you came into it. You made us parents, no one else in the whole world did that, you did. It was you who changed nights into weeks and years into days.

So “the teenage years”? I’m not dreading it, I certainly don’t need their sympathy. All the world’s a stage, and you are the shining star, and I get to watch the show from VIP seats. I’m the luckiest mama in the world, because no one else has you. 

Happy 13th Canton!

I’ll love you forever! I love you Sunshine!

Love,

Mom

To Adleigh as you turn SIX!

Dear Adleigh,

Happy Birthday Peanut! You are SIX my sweet girl! How is it possible? The baby I loved to squeeze has morphed into a strong, beaming, marvelous six year old!

We have seen so many changes in you this last year. Although we have been stuck in lockdown STILL you learned so much in Kindergarten and part of first grade. I am so sorry the world is the way it is. I can only hope the skills you have learned through all of this will help you make the world a better place for your children. You are a math whiz, you love reading, and I think you have the best handwriting in the whole house! 🙂 You loved your year with Mrs. Allen in K and looked forward to her scavenger hunts and teaching the class all about flamingos! In first grade you are whipping through all your assignments and you often say “Does Ms. Barlow even know that I’m in first grade? I can totally do all of this!” You continue to grow in your compassion and empathy and you always want to please others. There are lots of frustrating things about virtual learning but you get a lot of time to follow your own learning and spend time with Liberty, and that as been magical to watch. I love watching you wave to Canton each morning and scream “Au revoir, Je vous aime!” I am grateful that you and Lou can then walk back into the house and have so many magical moments throughout the day to play kangaroos, pilgrims, ponies, whatever comes to life in your imaginations. May you always be “sisters and best friends”.

You learned to ride a bike without training wheels! You always calm and center yourself before you take off a whisper “stay calm and believe in myself” which is not only the most adorable thing ever but a good reminder of how kids often understand the world better than adults. Adults fuss and complain as we do something that is challenging and you just growth mindset your way through it. May you always have that confidence and belief in yourself.

I am in awe of the girl who wouldn’t let go of mommy and pretty much hated everyone, to the girl who calls out to neighbors to complement their dog or their shirt and tell them all about yourself. You always volunteer in class. You try to find way to comfort Liberty if she gets hurt or misplaces something. You are a beautiful soul who has helped all of us be more patient and laugh just a little bit more.

I love to watch as you flail your little body around as we dance at 12:34 to Hey Ya or September or when you “protect mama” when dad joins in, you have always been my superhero! You eyes are full of magic and gratitude for the beauty that is each and every day. Even as we called it all “Blursday” each day with you is a gift. May you always find joy in the little things.

Adleigh you loved watching Simone Biles in the Olympics this summer! You did each routine with her and were devastated when she couldn’t compete. However, it was a wonderful lesson for all of us to learn that not getting a gold medal is not a failure. She took care of herself and she has much to be proud of and she will always be a hero to you. You loved cheering for the other girls and watching Simone be a good teammate. She faced down a lot of haters to do the right thing for herself. May doing your best always be enough for you, because it will always be enough for me.

I have watched you grow from the crawling baby always trying to go up the steps and pull out every spice in the spice cabinet to the toddler that pulled up every floor vent. Now, I hold my breath as you wolf turn on the balance beam and climb the wall like an Avenger character. Stay strong, stay fierce, you will always leave me breathless.

Adleigh, you are the one that completed our family. Where would we be without your grunty belly laughs and tight hugs? I am blessed each night as we read (favorite = Grover and pigeon), sing (Jolly Holiday), and “huddle close at night”. Keep that love of family. Keep the magic in your eyes. Keep asking questions and keep learning. Keep your empathy and confidence. Keep you happy smile and loving heart.

I don’t know what the next year will bring. Maybe you will still be at home with me (and I’m sure Lou) or maybe you will be off at school without us. No matter what, I know you are ready to show the world what a strong, confident, compassionate girl you are! “You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. YOU are the one who’ll decide where to go…”

You are six, you are a miracle, you are a gift.

I am so lucky and grateful to be you mom! I love you peanut!

Love,

Mama

To Liberty As You Turn 8

Dear Liberty,

You are 8! Birthday number 7 was just the five of us due to covid but I am so glad you get to celebrate turning eight with your number one lady, Rhonda!

What a year it has been for you! I think the first thing to address is just how very much you excelled in school this year! You went from missing over 20 days each in kindergarten and first grade to NOT MISSING A SINGLE DAY this year! You thrived in the virtual environment. You could get stuff done at your own pace and you fell in love with art. You created so many masterpieces this year we are going to need more wall space for all of them. You have turned into such a reader! Now you read to relax or to help you fall asleep (although it usually does the opposite 🙂 You read tons of chapter books, particularly enjoying Mrs. Judy Blume and the world of FUDGE, one of my favorites too! I am so lucky that I got to watch you grow and thrive this year. I loved hearing you yell “I’m on” when you entered your meetings. You learned so much this year about taking responsibility for your own learning, you created your agenda each day and whipped through all the assignments. You were also the only person to finish the DreamBox map, and get the lousy 20 coins. 🙂 You enjoyed meeting virtually with your teacher and classmates. Your favorite was art of course! You even did most of the PE lessons! We are all so proud of you! I am sure next year you will continue to grow and thrive in continuing in the virtual environment.

You also got glasses this year! You have always been able to see the world clearly, knowing exactly what you want. Always continue to stand up for yourself and take a stand when something doesn’t feel right. Keep that gumption! Never be afraid to be the strong girl you are! May you see a world beyond your own full of beauty and waiting for you. Always look for ways to grow and remain curious and gracious. Keep your eyes open to a world of what is possible and a future full of promise.

One of my favorite things about this crazy covid year is watching you with your siblings. Canton would help you with math or you would build legos together or play Star Trek ships. I will miss hearing you and Adleigh wish at 11:11 for the coronavirus to be over and our dancing at 12:34 to celebrate each day. I am so lucky I get to watch you dance every day. I hope you continue to find small but joyous moments each day to celebrate. May you continue to love and support each other, to always be “sisters and best friends”.

You are such a beautiful soul. I love to watch you care for every ladybug, firefly, bird, squirrel, anything that crosses your path you find a way to make it feel cared for. I love that you are a feeling person! Nature, beauty, art, it all stirs your soul, you feel all the feels. I hope you continue to keep your energy, imagination, and kindness for every creature, even the human ones who don’t always deserve it. May you always keep your feeling heart.


You are halfway to 16! I hope you continue to know exactly what you want and who you are as you enter the tween/teen world. It can be unforgiving. But you have such a strong sense of who you are, no one knows how to be Liberty more than you, continue to listen to yourself, embrace your confidence, and honor others with grace and gratitude.

I am thankful as you turn 8 that your hand still fits perfectly into mine and that you still want to hold it, that you curl up on my lap and tell me exactly what you are feeling, that I get to tickle you senseless each night, and that you still hug me out of the blue and say “I love you mommy”. I know those days are waning. As your hands begins to slip through mine know that I will always have your back, and no matter how big those hands grow, you’ll always hold my heart.

No matter how you toss the dice
It had to be
The only one for me is LOU
and LOU for me
So happy together!


I love you Liberty!

Love,

Mom

To Canton As Your Turn 12

Dear Canton,

Happy Birthday Sunshine! 12 years ago you burst into our lives and now you begin the trek toward adulthood, it has been a joy each and every day.

As I write you a letter each year it is important to reflect on the milestones and growth you experience. This year has been like no other.  A few months ago you could easily rest your head on my shoulder and now I have to lift my chin for you to fit under it. You are only going to get bigger, but I hope I can always hold you close. You didn’t get a big birthday celebration for 11 and you won’t have one for 12. While a lot of the world has had to deal with anxiety, hardship, and tragedy we have been so lucky here within these walls. We have been together all day every day for over a year, while some of those days tend to blur together, many stand out, holidays, report card days, and when you create something magical like your self portrait or compose a song in band.  May you continue to grow, be flexible, find joy, be proud, and be present in each moment.

You have been a truly incredible brother. There are not many tween boys that would make sure to include their 5 and 7 year old sisters in daily life. You have looked out for them, made them laugh, helped them create, and just loved them, in a pandemic that is no small feat. You have taught them Minecraft, launched them on the trampoline, and perfected reading the Pigeon books. May you continue to be a role model and cherish your sisters.

You have learned to begin to understand the privilege you have, continue to use that for good. The world has changed a lot in these last few years and you have begun to understand how much you have and the obligation to make the world better. It is not always easy to do the right thing, but it is always the right thing. May you always have empathy and be a light in the world.

You have made straight A’s all year! Even though you have pretty much always done that to do that, doing it while completely changing school is a big freaking deal. You transitioned from a warm loving fifth grade teacher to learning from a screen in your room. In the third quarter you had all 100%! You have grown tremendously in writing and will be taking Algebra I as a seventh grader! I know you desperately miss theatre and live band but we have enjoyed watching you sing and dance each day. You have certainly thrived “Under Pressure”. I am in awe of how you handled the challenges of this past year. May you continue to have grace and a song in your heart.

One of my favorite parts of this year has been eating lunch together with the girls each day, something that would not have been possible any other time once you entered school.  Your schedule has changed a few times this year but lunch together always made each of us gather and reflect, and whenever you got out early and could join us for 1-2-3-4 it was a great day! I also love that we play Monopoly Deal together most days of the week, this time together is precious and I will never forget it. May you always put yourself and family first and treasure time together.

My firstborn, my only son, there is so much better inside me because of you. Your hugs heal me each day and your smile and laugh is the sunshine needed in the dreary moments. You are a gift. I am so thankful for you. As you continue your path leading more into the world please know I am always right behind you. I will always be here when you turn your light around back on us or fall or get lost along the way. I cannot wait to see what you do next!

Cheers to 12 years!

LOVE YOU SUNSHINE!!!!

To Adleigh on Your Fifth Birthday

Dear Adleigh,

Can you believe you are FIVE? So many of the days spent before turning four you kept saying “I’ll miss being three!” Now you are saying “Mama, I’ll miss being four!” You had a great time being four! I know five is going to be different but you’ll continue to laugh, grow, and make memories that you will have for the rest of your life.

It’s so unfortunate that some of your first memories are going to be of COVID. It breaks my heart that your first year of preschool was cut short, that you constantly ask “is that clean?” before you touch anything, and that you haven’t been able to give your precious “Adleigh hugs” to friends and family in so many months. We are incredibly lucky that COVID hasn’t personally harmed our family, so many people have lost their jobs or loved ones, we have just been inconvenienced, but it has fundamentally changed how your first memorable years will impact you. You didn’t have a closing of preschool to say goodbye to all your friends, you didn’t have a first day of school, you don’t get to make new friends in the school building, everything has changed, I can only hope it doesn’t change you.

I hope you keep your fearlessness

A lot of being four was spent at gymnastics. You showed such promise they accelerated you to the “big girl” team classes from your preschooler class. You were 8 inches shorter than your classmates but that didn’t stop you from strutting across the balance beam or climbing the rope. You knew you belonged there, even if your mama wasn’t so sure, you had enough bravery for both of us.

You spent more than a handful days of being four at Busch Gardens, your favorite place (besides preschool). You love the teacups, the water log, the whole atmosphere! But nothing would light up your face as much as when we approached the battering ram. Liberty, Canton, and I would watch you from the Flying Machines as we gently whirled around while you and dad flew high above. Your little body would come out of the seat as you flew back and forth, your laughs would carry yards away. People would give dad the strangest looks as he allowed such a little girl to sit in the back row! What a terrible father they must have thought! Little did they know you were the one dragging him there. You would delight at the thought of defying expectations of others! May you continue to laugh as you face your fears.

I hope you make friends where ever you go

Preschool was a big step for your this year! Liberty didn’t care for it much but it was your favorite place! You were friends with everyone, but especially Ellie. You greeted her and many others with a giant hug each morning. You had field trips, made art, sang, played on the playground, and learned how to be in the world without me next to you. I would miss your terribly but you had a blast! Dad would pick you up sometimes and bring you home during his lunch break. You would love to run in and see me “crying” and ask “Did you cry all day?” Then you would tell me all about things you made and did. Soon your calls of “I’ll miss being three” turned into “I love being four!” At night I would tuck you in and you would say so fast “Night, Love you, see you in the morning FOR PREEEEEEESCHHHHHOOOOOOOOL!” You could not wait to get back to your friends. When COVID hit you were devastated, all you wanted was to be with your friends. Zoom meetings were hard and sometimes we would skip them because you were too sad, you could see your friends but you couldn’t be with them, it must of been an unbearable thought. I’m so sorry that was cut short for you. Your teacher, Mrs Old, wrote following of you : “I will miss the way you would walk up to any friend who seemed sad or nervous and offer a hug.” May you take that empathy with you as you grow.

I hope you always know how to love and how loved you are

You often ask me big questions, even in your tiny voice. You ask about the physics of the world, afterlife, and why things are they way they are. One you say a lot is “Who is your favorite person in the entire world and universe? Give me hints!” I tell you things about yourself or things you did that day but remind you I have three favorite people and then you tell me things you love about your siblings. We are so lucky to have each other. Lockdown time has made that more apparent. You guys have each other to play with when we can’t see others. I love watching you all swing, play games like Avengers, cook, explore, and grow together. But sometimes being together constantly can lead to arguments. You have learned so well how your actions impact others. You are always the first to apologize or check on your siblings. If Canton upsets Liberty you will run after her to check on her. It hurts you to know you or others may have hurt someone else. You will immediately say “I accept your apology” or “Sorry Lou/Can, I apologize, we are sisters and best friends.” Such a grown up sentence for something that is very hard for grown-ups to do. You also use nice language when you play like “pause game” when you have a question and you guys try to work out a conflict. When Dad returned from Disney World after a week long conference you said “I missed you a little bit.” We laughed and laughed but then you knew it maybe wasn’t the nicest thing to say and you gave him a big Adleigh hug and told him how much you loved him. May you continue to know your impact on the world around you.

I hope you STAY WITH ME FOREVER

One of your favorite “games” to play at night it “Stay with ME forever!” You and I say it to each other super fast repeatedly, whoever said it the fastest “wins” and the other stays with them forever. We have a lot of nighttime rituals. You love the Grover book The Monster At The End of This Book. My throat gets raw doing the Grover voice over and over again but I would do it a million times to hear that hearty grunty laugh of yours. We’ve read it so many times you often read it to me. You also love “tickle me a bunch and a lot!” I love when you say “huddled close at night” and you wrap your arm around my neck and huddle close to me, it’s my favorite part of day. I know you won’t live with me forever, but you will stay with me forever. As you ask me “Is uppie your favorite thing I say?” I will lift you however I can. You are in all of our hearts, Adleigh. Your happiness is so great it doesn’t matter if it’s yours or not. You have brightened our world and your light will always shine.

The world is insane right now. I hope this abnormal doesn’t become the new normal. I am reminded of the line in “Dear Theodosia”. “When you smile you knock me out, I fall apart, and I thought I was so smart.” The next section talks of how they are making a new nation. You are also coming of age in a changed nation. Your empathy and kindness are needed now more than ever. I hope that we have given you a strong enough foundation. I hope we make it right for you. There is so much love inside you and even though your hand continues to slip from mine, I’m so excited for you to share that love with the world.

I love you peanut!

Love,

Mom

To Liberty As You Turn 7

Dear Liberty,

What a year you have had! We all have had a few interesting months with COVID-19. I asked you a week ago what you hoped for your birthday, and you said “I don’t know, but I know for Christmas I want this virus to be over!” You want so badly to be able to see everyone again, especially your “Rhondy”.

Turning seven will be leaving part of you behind, your baby teeth (only 1 so far!), your sqeaky little girl voice, you cradling into my arms to read a story, or doing “super cute face” with Adleigh to bake a special treat. With every confident stride you take more of your little girl self fades, it’s bittersweet, but I’m so excited to watch the big girl you are becoming. Even soon one day when you don’t want to hug me in public or roll your eyes at me, I am always in your corner and will catch you as you learn to leave the nest little owl.

You never cease to amaze me. While the whole world seems to be on fire around us you have found comfort in “quarantine”. You have thrived in “learning at home”. You were identified for visions (gifted) at the end of Kindergarten and performed well above grade level when school was in session. You are continuing to learn piano and sewing (you loved making your owl costume), you taught yourself string games, you are becoming a better reader, all while being a great playmate to Adleigh. It warms my heart every morning to pop into the kitchen to see you independently doing your work without being told and then running off to play mermaids with Adleigh. You even wanted to expand your learning and you picked up on three digit addition AND subtraction with regrouping, you love doing “grown-up math”! I’m so proud of you! May you always have a love of learning.

This year you broke out of your shell of dance only by joining musical theater. You performed in the holiday show and gained appreciation of song and dance. You share your brother’s love of “Hamilton”, I love watching you all dance and sing through the house all day long, and what a surprise it arrives a day before your birthday, like it was just for you! May you always have a song in your heart.

You are so determined! I think a lot of people look at you and see a good, quiet, tall and skinny girl, they underestimate your strength. You basically taught yourself to ride a bike, I wanted training wheels higher longer, you wanted them off, and you pushed yourself back and forth on the road until you got it. You wanted to be able to jump on the back of dad’s car, we kept giving you tips of starting areas or where to jump from, and you ignored us, confident in YOUR way, just as learning swimming, piano, or anything, no matter how many times you didn’t make it, you just kept going, and then you soared little one! Life is going to throw a lot of challenges your way. Maya AngeLOU said: “You may not control all the events that happen to you, but you can decided not to be reduced by them.” May you choose your battles wisely and always carry your strength and determination.

You are the girl of a thousand faces. I love to take pictures of you! You are the only one I don’t have to tell how to place themselves, you are a diva in front of the camera (and in life sometimes!) and you have no problem telling everyone how you are feeling. Your independence drives me crazy sometimes, as your Kindergarten teacher always said “She’s everything you want your grown daughter to be”, while your stubbornness is sometimes in opposition of my planning I am often proud of you for standing your ground. I love you exactly as you are. As your favorite shirt says “I Just Really Like Owls, OK?!?!” May you always mean what you say and say what you mean.

You are the girl that took my breath away and melted my heart forever. I wanted a girl so badly and Mal sent me one. You fill me with such joy, an all consuming love. You are loved, cherished, and adored. Little owl girl, I cannot wait to see where you fly!

The only one for me is LOU and LOU for me, so happy together!

Happy 7th Birthday Sweet Lou!

Love,

Mom